The Weekender #6: How far will this go? (Part Two)

It's my turn to answer Deb's question:

I am curious as to how far you will take this? Say in 5 years where would you like to see yourselves as far as being Master/sub? Are you working towards a goal in training or something like that? Is there a place you want to be at in the future in this?

This is something I've been giving some thought, and having read Sean's response, I feel I can now answer fully.

My main goal, not only in submission to Sean but in everyday life, is to get over my depression. I first recognised that I had depressive tendencies when I was 19. However, it took me a long time to come out of denial and recognise it as a problem - so I think I had been depressive since I moved towns, which was when I was 16. During that period in my life I became withdrawn, my self esteem went to the rock bottom, my confidence and personal hygiene with it, I had no direction (even though I was doing A-Levels, I wasn't really into it), I slept all the time and - in the latter stages when I was 19 - I spent a couple of hours each night crying without a reason. It took me a long time to realise that I had a problem. When I did, Sean confided in me certain problems he'd been too afraid to tell me about before. The main problem was that our sex life had dwindled away, and in the end we solved that by lots of talking and eventually starting this blog. The other problems have been harder to fix, but we're getting there. In fact, the biggest problem we have only recently tackled, and hopefully resolved (This isn't the time to go into it, but basically we've just managed to massively open up the communication channels between us again).

So, I'm hoping to be able to reset myself, if you like, to how I was before the black dog bit me. I'm hoping that Sean will be able to guide me away from self-destructive thoughts and behaviours by laying down some ground rules and helping me stick to them. I'm the type of person that thrives on having a daily and weekly routine, and I believe that if I can work one out then I'd be a much 'better' person.

In five years time I want to be in a stable environment (we would have both graduated by then and be settled in jobs... hopefully), having a daily routine that lets me both look after the house and please Sean. I would have just celebrated my 26th birthday, and so by then we'll probably be thinking about marriage and possibly starting a family. So even though the environment would be stable, it'd by no means be boring!

Has M/s got a place in a newly-wed relationship? I think so. I'd so very much like to have the lines "love, honour and obey" in my wedding vows, though I think it's something I think my mother would frown upon. But by then, I wouldn't care so much about what she thinks as I am my own person.

That's another point I'd like to make before I finish. I do not want to come to the stage where I become a doormat. From what I've read that's not the point in becoming a slave anyway, so that's reassuring. I just want to be pleasing to my master and iron out any mannerisms that annoy him and learn new ones that he finds pleasing. I also found these rules a while ago. While I think I'll write some more about them at some other time, perhaps when we decide to add some more to our collection, I'd just like to point out now that I love the idea that some of these rules point out. The master that wrote them wants his slaves to be feminine and sexy, to do everything as a lady and with grace and do it in such a way that other women realise how good it is to submit to such a powerful man. I'd love to be able to do that. We'll just have to see.

Oh, and one more thing (This post is dangerously close to becoming a stream of consciousness), I'd love for Sean to get something out of it too. I'd love for him to become a stronger willed man, one who isn't going to be pushed around and talked into things. I really do hope that he gets something like that out of this M/s relationship too.

Well, I'm done.
Good night all.