The Weekender #7: Gifts

This weeks question comes from David:

Is there anything about the whole BDSM 'scene' that bothers you?

Well. I've spent a long time trying to think my way through this one, as there is something that bothers me a lot about the BDSM scene. However, I think it's something that'll annoy quite a lot of people out there... so much so that I deferred the question by a week to try to come up with an answer.

Here it is. The thing that bothers me about the BDSM scene is large numbers of submissives who proclaim that their submission is a gift to their dominant. Many of these people, in my mind, are only offering their submission with several strings attached... Yes, in a very real sense a gift is given "without compensation", but those who proclaim their submission as a gift, also proclaim it as something they can chose easily to give and take away.

I have always felt submissive. Not only in the sexual sense, but in every day living. When there were arguments, I tried my hardest to resolve them, often feeling like I was the one in the wrong when I was trying to state my point of view, and often submitting to the other person to "make them happy". I have always wanted to please my parents, often taking my mother's odd mannerisms to keep her from becoming displeased with me. Even now, there are many things I do to try to keep the peace and please my significant other - I cook, I clean, I do the washing when he can't, I remind him of things, I plan his diet so he doesn't feel ill, I try to offer solutions to his problems. To me, all of this is part of my submission to him. All of this is part of who I am.

To say that all of that is something that I chose to give him, and something that - should he mistreat me - I'll be able to take away again doesn't sound true. All of those actions, even down to cleaning (which I don't enjoy), are actions that I do to please him. I don't do them because I feel that I am giving to him, I do them because I want to be cherished, I want him to be pleased with me... and maybe I'd get a reward. Therefore, these actions are not a gift, they are done with a goal in mind - even if that goal is as simple as "the house will be tidier, and HE will be pleased with me". I think that if we ever do break up, I'll find it extremely hard to take my "gift of submission" back again, it's something I'll always be giving him - if not in house-hold chores then in respect when I meet him - and it'll be something that'll be very hard to break.

Further more, I find that those who proclaim their submission as a gift are those who expect even more in return. To quote one example, "Oh, I could never give myself to someone who doesn't love, respect and care about me. Someone who doesn't want to take care of me forever, solve my problems, give me roses every week, is always romantic, never demanding and who wants to marry me too. To this man, I'll give my submission," Read through that statement again, admittedly taken out of context (this isn't the author's view), and you'll see that actually there are many strings attached to the "slave's" submission - even the rather vanilla strings of "is always romantic" and "buys me roses every week".

One thing that I find I want to conclude is this: if submission is a gift, then so is friendship in general. So is marriage, and so is dominance. In each of those scenarios, the one who is giving is also getting something in return, be it a mutual friendship, teamwork or someone willing to be dominated. After-all, who is a submissive if she doesn't have any one to submit to?

I feel that there is much more that I want to say, but can't find the right way to say them. There is one part of the "gift theory" that I appreciate - it makes the consentual part of the relationship clear. This is something that shouldn't be forgotten. At the end of the day, a dominant has no right to force his submissive to stay in the D/s relationship. To sum up, I'll once again refer back to a blog named "Submusings" written by KrynInterrupted: “The submission is the dedication and commitment that makes the power exchange possible. That is the gift because it’s given freely and whole-heartedly.”

That's a nice curve you've got there!

Sean took this photo this morning*. It shows of a side of me you've never seen before. Do you like it?

This weekend, we're letting you take the lead in The Weekender. Is there something you want to know? About us, about the lifestyle, about our history, about knot-tieing... Ask away. We'll post our response this Sunday.

Here are some previous Q&A:

• If you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be?
• Would you ever invite me over to have a threesome?
• What is the darkest fantasy you have?
• Is this your first time you've both engaged in BDSM? How did it start?
• What are some limits you've made and how did you come to them?
• Where do you see yourselves in 5 years time?

*Image removed

See more HNT action at Os' place

Technorati Tags: boobs, breasts, HNT, image, naked, nekkid, photo, tits

The Weekender #6: How far will this go? (Part Two)

It's my turn to answer Deb's question:

I am curious as to how far you will take this? Say in 5 years where would you like to see yourselves as far as being Master/sub? Are you working towards a goal in training or something like that? Is there a place you want to be at in the future in this?

This is something I've been giving some thought, and having read Sean's response, I feel I can now answer fully.

My main goal, not only in submission to Sean but in everyday life, is to get over my depression. I first recognised that I had depressive tendencies when I was 19. However, it took me a long time to come out of denial and recognise it as a problem - so I think I had been depressive since I moved towns, which was when I was 16. During that period in my life I became withdrawn, my self esteem went to the rock bottom, my confidence and personal hygiene with it, I had no direction (even though I was doing A-Levels, I wasn't really into it), I slept all the time and - in the latter stages when I was 19 - I spent a couple of hours each night crying without a reason. It took me a long time to realise that I had a problem. When I did, Sean confided in me certain problems he'd been too afraid to tell me about before. The main problem was that our sex life had dwindled away, and in the end we solved that by lots of talking and eventually starting this blog. The other problems have been harder to fix, but we're getting there. In fact, the biggest problem we have only recently tackled, and hopefully resolved (This isn't the time to go into it, but basically we've just managed to massively open up the communication channels between us again).

So, I'm hoping to be able to reset myself, if you like, to how I was before the black dog bit me. I'm hoping that Sean will be able to guide me away from self-destructive thoughts and behaviours by laying down some ground rules and helping me stick to them. I'm the type of person that thrives on having a daily and weekly routine, and I believe that if I can work one out then I'd be a much 'better' person.

In five years time I want to be in a stable environment (we would have both graduated by then and be settled in jobs... hopefully), having a daily routine that lets me both look after the house and please Sean. I would have just celebrated my 26th birthday, and so by then we'll probably be thinking about marriage and possibly starting a family. So even though the environment would be stable, it'd by no means be boring!

Has M/s got a place in a newly-wed relationship? I think so. I'd so very much like to have the lines "love, honour and obey" in my wedding vows, though I think it's something I think my mother would frown upon. But by then, I wouldn't care so much about what she thinks as I am my own person.

That's another point I'd like to make before I finish. I do not want to come to the stage where I become a doormat. From what I've read that's not the point in becoming a slave anyway, so that's reassuring. I just want to be pleasing to my master and iron out any mannerisms that annoy him and learn new ones that he finds pleasing. I also found these rules a while ago. While I think I'll write some more about them at some other time, perhaps when we decide to add some more to our collection, I'd just like to point out now that I love the idea that some of these rules point out. The master that wrote them wants his slaves to be feminine and sexy, to do everything as a lady and with grace and do it in such a way that other women realise how good it is to submit to such a powerful man. I'd love to be able to do that. We'll just have to see.

Oh, and one more thing (This post is dangerously close to becoming a stream of consciousness), I'd love for Sean to get something out of it too. I'd love for him to become a stronger willed man, one who isn't going to be pushed around and talked into things. I really do hope that he gets something like that out of this M/s relationship too.

Well, I'm done.
Good night all.

The Weekender: How far will this go?

Thanks to Deb this week for her question:

I am curious as to how far you will take this? Say in 5 years where would you like to see yourselves as far as being Master/sub? Are you working towards a goal in training or something like that? Is there a place you want to be at in the future in this?

Well, today, we have decided to each respond to the question. So, me first.

I'm really not sure. As we mentioned before, we don't really have many limits yet, because we haven't taken it far enough. Mel still has yet to use a safeword, despite me being harder and harder with her. Though it turns me on, my upbringing tells me it is wrong to hit a girl, so I find it hard, even though Mel wants it.

I think Mel and I are taking it slowly, exploring. We don't really have a direction yet, though I think we are getting nearer to having one. We only have 5 basic rules, which can be found here. Addressed in the rules are things that we both want. For example, Mel must go to the gym frequently. She must stay under a certain weight. This is not because she is overweight, but because we both don't want her to become overweight. I'm not into skinny girls, nor am I into big girls. I like mine around Mels size (corny as it may sound). She is a size 12-14 (thats American 10-12, Mel informs me).

I love the size of her breasts, for example. They are lovely, and full, and round, and bouncy, yet they are still small enough to be very firm and not even the slightest bit saggy. In the UK we have a newspaper called "The Sun" which has, on page 3 of every edition, a topless woman. Having worked in a corner shop (and prior to that, been a paper boy), I have seen my fair share of these page 3 girls. They're all quite lovely, but there are few of them who's breasts compare favourably to Mel's. I used to think this was because she was so young, but as she has turned 21 now, and she still beats these models, some of whom are 18, I am very impressed.

Anyway, I feel I have diverged from the question, so I will try and stop thinking about Mel's perfect boobs and go back to what I was saying...

... Oh yes. Rules. So there is the gym one, to keep us both happy about her looks, and also to keep her fit and healthy, which in turn should keep her on top of stress and suchlike. There is also the "audible answer" rule. This is a rule to change Mel's behaviour, for the better. She must give an audible answer to me whenever I ask a question. Nodding is not good enough. It must be audible. To me.

There are very few things I want to change about Mel, but one of them is some of the mannerisms that she has got from her mother. Mel's mum is a lovely lady, and I get on fine with her. But there are still things about her that rub me up the wrong way, for example she seems to have very strong opinions, with very little room for alternatives. I now can stand up to these, and hold my own, as I have been with Mel for long enough. But in the early days, I didn't want to for fear I would not be able to see Mel so much. So I held my tongue.

One example is the statement "Errr!". Not a questioning "Umm" or a pause in speaking "er...", but a forceful, you are doing something wrong, "Errr!". The exclamation mark is almost pronounced! Mel did this to me once, when I was closing a door, not realising that she wanted to go through it. It's the sort of sound that should raise a guilty feeling. However, from Mel it raised anger in me, which I unleased vocally immediately: "You are not to speak to me like that! That is how your mother speaks and it is highly disrespectful. I have done nothing wrong and I will not have it from you. Do you understand?"

Mel cowered, and nodded, pausing only slightly before remembering to say "yes" before I noticed that she didn't give an audible answer. I am pleased to say that I did not have to give her any punishment (it is my mind that a slave doesn't deserve punishment if she does something that she doesn't realise is wrong, unless she has already been told about it). She has not done it again since, knowing that her bottom will really smart if she does.

Another Mel's mum thing is the statement "Thats a bit much." What a useless statement. It doesn't convey any reasoning behind why you disagree. Just that you disagree. I think it is given by a gut reaction that says "don't like that," but has no reasoning or justification to back it up. It is never elaborated upon, it is almost seen as a conversation stopper. I hate it. Mel said it to me once since moving in together, and she has not said it again.

OK, I must stop talking about the past and start on the future...

... In 5 years time, I want a very obedient, happy and loving slave. I want Mel to do her chores and clean up behind herself without me having to tell her to. I want her to become a tidier, more organised person, more for her sake than mine. I want her to be open and honest, and not afraid to share her mind, no matter how dark her thoughts. I want her to ask for my guidance when she needs it, and to really listen to the advice I give. I want a much larger list of rules that we have both agreed upon. I want to know that any concerns that either of us have can be openly expressed and discussed, and be solved between us.

Many of these goals are already mostly met, many need working on. But I am happy with progress, and I look forward to being able to marry Mel, knowing that no matter what happens, we will always have each other, and all problems will be solved before they really become problems at all.

In answer to the question: we will take this as far as we are both comfortable and happy with, and no further. We do not yet know where that limit lies.

Sorry for all the divergences, I hope this answered the question! And remember: we do not have a question yet for next weekend, so get those comment juices flowing! Ask anything, we ain't shy!

Mel will type out her answer to the question tomorrow, but now we are going to bed ;)

Good night all (or morning, afternoon, evening, depending on timezone!),

Sean.

Technorati Tags: behavior, boobs, DD, discipline, master, m/s, page 3, rules, slave

It's time for YOU to take the lead

The weekender is coming up and we don't have a question to answer!

Sean and I have decided that it's time for us to let you take the lead. I sit here each night trying to think of things to write, and in the end we just don't know how well it'll go down. That's why this weekend we're giving you the opportunity to ask us a question. It can be anything you like from, "How did you meet?" through to elaborating on a post I've written. There are a few exceptions, we won't give out our address for example. But those sort of exceptions are hopefully obvious. We'll post our answers here on Sunday / Monday. We generally answer questions in the order we recieve them, and let them queue up.

Like I've already said, we never know how well a post will go down, so show some support and ask what ever is on your mind. You can leave it as a comment or e-mail me at mels.smblog@googlemail.com if you want to remain anon.

Here are the previous questions. Was there one you felt we didn't answer fully?

• If you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be?
• Would you ever invite me over to have a threesome?
• What is the darkest fantasy you have?
• Is this your first time you've both engaged in BDSM? How did it start?
• What are some limits you've made and how did you come to them?

Technorati Tags: answer, BDSM, opinion, Q&A, question

The Weekender #5: The absence of limits?

This week we are going to tackle David's question: What are some limits that the two of you have made and how did you come to them?

This question has posed both of us some problems. I've been musing over it all weekend and have come to this conclusion: We haven't formally sat down and defined any limits. I haven't sat down and thought about it on my own. I have no idea where Sean's limits lie. Is it a bad thing that in the five or six years we've been sleeping together we haven't talked about what we wouldn't feel comfortable doing?

There are a few things I know Sean wouldn't like, but as a sub I wouldn't do them anyway. For example, though Sean likes being restrained, he doesn't like having pain inflicted on him. I lightly brush my teeth over his back, but I stop before biting on him like he likes to do to me. He has reinforced this many times, saying things like "No, just lightly,"

There are many things I have found since beginning this blog that I didn't know existed and I would class as a limit. For instance - something I think I have mentioned to Sean once or twice - I don't like the look of certain types of bondage, where the woman's breasts turn positively blue. It looks very painful, and can't be good for her circulation. I'm also completely turned off by the idea of needle play. I've seen photos of needles puncturing breasts, thighs, wrists... anywhere possible. I hate looking at images of blood play too, that's too much into the realms of edge play for me. Sean's concurred on those occasions where he'll read me a sex story found on the Internet, and will comment afterwards if he enjoyed it or not. He seems to agree with my tastes, and therefore we've never really sat down to talk about it.

The only other thing I don't feel comfortable is when I feel too closed in. Ironic, isn't it, that a woman who loves tight bondage is also claustrophobic. In the last few years I've paid attention to when my claustophobia comes on, and it only seems to be triggered when the air around my face is hot. I feel like I'm being suffocated. (Again, a strange thing for a woman who loves breath play to say) So a situation like that on the left would make me feel very concerned, my breathing would quicken and in the end I'd panic.

We do have a safety net for if one of us feels uncomfortable. I hate to say it, as most hard-core BDSM-ers don't believe in it, but we do have a system of safety words. It's a kind of traffic lights system - "orange" for slow down and "red" for stop. I don't think I've ever used them, but if I needed to I would. We thought, as well as having the "stop-right-now" word, we'd have a "slow down, not so hard, I don't really like it, but I liked what you were doing just now" word. We both thought that that would be the sensible way of doing things.

There are other things I haven't mentioned yet, that would be a limit for a woman in a vanilla relationship; things such as anal sex, sex during my period and watersports. These things I don't particularly want to do. But as I sit here and type this, I remember saying once that I'd never swallow a man's come. Now, six years later, I'm doing so nearly every day. There are limits that I'll always have and others that, in the future, can be pushed back.

Do you have a question for us? Ask by leaving a comment, or if you want to remain anon then send an e-mail at mels.smblog@googlemail.com. Anything from the personal to the philosophical... all questions are allowed. We aren't shy!

The weekender #4: The beginnings of our lifestyle

This week we delve into our history. From David:

Have either of you done any bdsm before with other people or is this your first time? How did it come about? Did one of you bring it up to the other, or did it just happen naturally?

Now, we could spank David for asking too many questions at one time. But we'll let him off, just this once.

As I think we have mentioned in passing before, Sean is the first (and only) guy I've slept with, and I am the first (and only) girl Sean has slept with. Which can make things interesting in this day and age. We discovered BDSM together, and by no means is our exploration over.

I have two distinct memories of when we both realised we wanted something more out of our vanilla relationship. The first, as I started to explore last week, was when I told Sean about my rape fantasy. Instead of being shocked, Sean replied with a more reassuring answer, "Lots of women have that fantasy, maybe we'll try it out one day." As I said last week, perhaps by my telling him that fantasy, he knew it was okay to be a little rough with me. And here we are some two years later, maintaining a S&M Blog. The other that I remember was a late night chat before going to sleep. I cannot remember the circumstances, but I ended up trying to define the apparent differences between Sean and I. In two sentences, I summed it up quite succinctly: Sean would prefer to be tied up and receive pleasure. I would prefer to be tied up and be forced to give pleasure. We were discussing the idea of only either giving or receiving for the rest of eternity, and this was the answer we came up with. I think there are few people who would chose giving, and Sean noted that at the time. That's when I realised there was something different about me.

Around the same time as that discussion, we had some novelty handcuffs come into our possession. This was some three or four years ago. We soon discovered that we both liked being restrained. Sean liked being unable to move freely and receiving pleasure. I liked being unable to move freely and giving pleasure. Sadly, the handcuffs broke and for a while that left us without a means of carrying on our newly found play.

So one day, around six months later, when we were in a poundstore (everything for £1) Sean spied some rope. He looked at me with a playful smile and whispered in my ear "Something to tie you up with," I smiled a bashful smile as he added some dog chains to the basket along with the rope. I felt sure that the cashier would see my flushed cheeks and know instantly what we were going to use this odd assortment of items for, but she just served us normally and we went about the rest of our business down town.

The rope wasn't really what we thought it was going to be. It was thin and stiff, and the knots easily slipped undone, and the thinness of it cut too much into the flesh. But the chains! They worked like a dream. We still use them a lot now. I love the feel of them over my skin, and Sean likes being able to cool them down to cause me (or him) to shiver.

So you could say that our exploration into BDSM started with light Bondage. The S&M followed very quickly behind. I had made apparent to Sean that I liked to struggle, to have rough sex. This started with encouraging him to hold my wrists down during play, and pretty soon things just carried on naturally. I made it clear to him that I enjoyed the feel of him grazing his teeth over my flesh, and with time this increased to actual biting. He bites me regularly (though, never breaking the skin) now, but still holds that he is not a sadist. I remember a post that I wrote early on with the title Maybe I really am masochist? where I started to explore my concern over my liking pain.

I think when I started to tell him I liked pain, we tentatively explored spanking too. I was probably the one who suggested it, though we don't remember. The spanking didn't really come into play until after we'd explored D/S. This didn't really happen until we'd decided to start up our blog. By December last year, Sean had introduced me to the sex blog scene. Before then I had little idea of what a blog was; I had no idea about the large sex blog scene out there. Suddenly I was immersed in this world of bondage, submission, sadomasochism and more. I learned what BDSM was. I found out that there were people out there who lived as slaves and masters. There were housewives out there who lived by rules set by their spouses. Rules that even included shaving down there. I couldn't believe it. Don't get me wrong, I knew that there were things like hard-core bondage (Sean and I had already been regularly visiting Hogtied, left), I just didn't and couldn't understand that there were people who lived it day to day. The more I read the more I learned. I was already aware that Sean knew more about it than I did. He's generally a lot less naive than I am. Even now I have an air of innocence that he often calls cute.

By the end of December, Sean and I decided to take the plunge and set up a blog of our own. We called it S&M Blog (a delightful coincidence as it could be Sean & Mel or Sadism & Masochism) and our first post was on January the 9th 2006. It took me three days to write one post about one night. It took me quite a while to settle down into writing regularly about our sex life, but I found it was a good way to communicate with Sean about how our nights went. We carried on maintaining our blog, passing the three month mark was something of an achievement and told other bloggers out there that we were serious about maintaining a blog. We drew inspiration for our - what I was quickly learning to call - scenes from other sex blogs. Eros Blog was a place Sean regularly visited, and that's where he got the idea about having me under the desk (the subject of our first post). That was also the place he showed me that introduced me to the rest of the sex blog scene.

The first post I wrote referred to Sean as 'Master', something I hadn't done before. Without knowing it, I had opened up the way for us to try a little D/S to see if we liked it. We liked it a lot. It slowly began to filter outside the bedroom. Friends started to comment on my willingness to do as Sean asked. "You've got her well trained," one of Sean's female friends remarked. My heart fluttered. If only she knew even half of it! The D/S lead back to Discipline, something we've explored on this blog quite a lot recently. I guess you could say we've now covered all the bases of BDSM - the bondage, discipline, domination & submission and sadomasochism. We're liking all the bases a lot.

May our journey continue!


Next week, we'll answer the rest of David's question: What are some limits that the two of you have made and how did you come to them?

If you have a question you'd like answering drop us a line. You can leave a comment or send us an e-mail at mels.smblog@googlemail.com if you want to remain anonymous. We only have that question left so ask us some more! It could be anything, vanilla or raunchy. You decide.

Hehe. My 'word verification' for this post is "cuffed" :)

The weekender #3: Your questions answered

This week, I will attempt to answer deb's question:

I would be curious to know what the darkest fantasy is that both of you have?

From the moment I read this question, some three weeks ago, I knew I'd be the one answering it; for the simple reason that Sean insists he "doesn't really have many fantasies, let alone dark ones". I've been musing it over since the question came up and I've come to some conclusions. First, we must be rather boring people as we actually had to think about this one. Really hard. Second, the fantasy that I finally realised is the answer is rather dark, is likely to offend someone but is also the fantasy of many women (who never admit it to themselves, let alone to the large numbers of countless, faceless people who browse Sex Blogs).

My dark fantasy can be summed up in one word. Rape.

I've known about rape for as long as I've known about sex. When I first realised it for what it was - that is, the act of one person having un-consentual sex with another person - rape was nothing more than a threat. It went along with all of the other sayings my mother threw at me - "Eat your crusts, your hair will go curly" [I've never figured that one out, I have always eaten the crusts on my sandwiches and my hair is as straight as a ruler], "Don't go out in the rain without a coat, you'll get a cold" and "Don't come home alone in the dark, you'll get raped". For a very long time - pretty much all through my teens - I became paranoid when walking in the dark, whether on my own or not. The rape threat is perhaps the only threat my parents threw at me that I took to heart.

There is one specific night that I clearly remember when the word rape took on a whole new meaning. Being an insomniac, I used to read each night until I felt sleepy. This meant that I got through books rather fast; usually reading from 10pm through to 3 or 4am. Eventually I began running out of books that I hadn't read to death, and I began on the books that my mother had handed down to me, books that sat in their dust jackets and looked rather boring. I figured that their being boring would be an advantage and I would fall asleep sooner. In a way, I was eventually right.

On this specific night, I had started a book called "Yesterday in the Back Lane", about a woman living in Second World War Britain. It started off rather dismally, and I began to wonder why I hadn't thought of reading the boring books earlier. The particular paragraphs I remember reading occurred on Christmas Eve. The heroine was walking down the back alley when all of a sudden she was shoved to the ground by a man. The details weren't fully described, but she ends up escaping him by stabbing him with the knife she was taking home to cut the turkey. She keeps "pure" by committing murder. I read the pages with wide eyes, and once the fun was over and she was at home feeling guilty, I went back and read it again. I pored over the words, taking in every detail I could and making up the things the author didn't describe. While the words said that the heroine lay under the man, and all she could think about was how strange it was that she was being "interfered with" while listening to the news from somebody's house; I imagined how he had thrown her to the ground, fumbled under her skirt and roughly pulled down her panties, all the while holding both her wrists in her other hand and forcing his groin into her.

An odd, unknown, tingling sensation rose in my tummy. While reading the same chapter for the third time, I unconsciously ground my groin into the mattress. A surge of heat rose from between my legs. Without my knowing, a powerful feeling of lust rose inside me, the unfamiliar sensation begging me to put my hands there.

That night was the first night I had ever masturbated. It was wonderful, though come the morning I felt extremely guilty. I didn't mention it to anyone through out the whole day and when, that evening, my father used the rape threat on me before I went out, my heart fluttered and for the second time ever I felt that tingle between my thighs.

I didn't mention my fantasy to anyone for quite a few years. Despite my attempts at hinting to my first serious boyfriend, he wouldn't even hold my wrists the way I imagined I'd like. When I started getting serious with Sean - my one and only shag - I found that, in just the same way, he wouldn't be rough with me. That changed when it became apparent to me that he was definitely the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Suddenly, I found I wanted to tell him about everything - my one attempt at suicide with my best mate, my alternative beliefs, my perceived sexuality... and my rape fantasy. The rape fantasy was the last thing I told him, and I chickened out and told him by text message. His reply was something I wasn't expecting. It was along the lines of "Lots of women have that fantasy, maybe we'll try it out one day" and was the start of our exploration into rough play. Perhaps by my telling him that fantasy, he knew it was okay to be a little rough with me. And here we are some two years later, maintaining a S&M Blog.


If you have a question that wants answering, leave us a comment. We love comments. Or you can email us at mels.smblog@googlemail.com.

The weekender #2: Your questions answered

Mel has decided to let me field this weekends question, which was from kindabiz. He asked:

would you ever invite me ... ( a fellow blooger who shares yr interests ) over to have a threesome with you all ?

Well... This brings up some issues. Most of which I would class as "safety" issues.
Here are a few:

STDs

Throughout my schooling I have been warned that having sex is bad, as is every english person. Well, they weren't gunna stop me. However, out of this continual pounding over the head with the "don't have sex stick" one of the reasons given did find its way into my brain. STDs, or STIs, or whatever it is that they are calling them these days. I hate the thought of having sex with someone once, and then having an STD from them for the rest of my life. I also consider that having an STD would be something that would be hard to broach for a new relationship, as it could put your potential partner off. I also know how much people lie. These things together tell me I have to be really careful about getting STDs.

Safe sex! I hear you cry! Yeah I know, safe sex, the answer to all life's problems. But is it? Being someone who has (admittedly when I was much younger) broken many a condom during sex, and not realised until afterwards, and then had to deal with the consequences (namely taking Mel to the FPC), I hate the damned things. I also don't trust them.

Stalkers/serial-murderers/sex fiends

Yes. Many a horror film have warned me the dangers of letting someone into my house (or even my life in general, when I come to think about it...), and I know that these are stupid things, but still there are sick people out there, and sometimes you never can tell. (Sometimes, never... shut up.) So we would have to meet them somewhere public, and far away from our house, have to have neutral territory to go to, and have to double back at least 4 times on the way home to ensure no-one is following us. Okay, so the last ones a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the point.

Internet people ≠ real people

Yes. I know this includes me. I also know I start sections with Yes. Anyway, the old meeting someone from the net thing. Well this is not as much of a problem with you, kindabiz, due to the fact that I have and can read your blog, and get an idea of you as a person. I build up a kind of trust. But if someone found our blog on the net, and emailed us, and they had no representing material of their own, I'm not sure I would do so. I feel I need that friendship before I can step further.

Trust

Here's the real clincher. This one has the power of vito. Even if we manage to alleviate all the other problems listed, this one is still where it could fall flat. Trust. As it happens, I trust Mel implicitly and explicitly. I believe that she also trusts me. This is good. However, I do have issues with jealousy. Jealousy is not from a lack of trust, however I feel that a lack of trust will definitely increase jealousy. I also feel that jealousy can help reduce trust. I can be quite jealous. Mel is my slave, she will do what I say, and I wouldn't want it any other way. And I generally have a reasonable amount of self confidence. However, if she were to sleep with another person, I am not sure how that would make me feel. I predict it would make me feel unwanted, or somehow inferior, and that would not be a pleasant way to feel.

However, we are both each other's firsts and onlys (onlies?), so we both are curious as to how it would be to be with someone else. I think that we would both be happy never sleeping with someone else, if that is what the other wanted. However, when we are both curious, this course of action may occur. Personally, I would like to have a threesome. FMF for me, as Mel said before I have already had a go on the male flute, and I didn't much like it. I didn't massively dislike it, but I don't really want to do it again. An MFM, where there is no man on man, could be interesting, especially to see how my slave acts, but would heighten the jealousy.

So, to answer your question, kindabiz, no. Purely, and sexistly, because you are male. However, if there are any hot women out there...

Seriously though, I think me and Mel will dabble in three-or-more-somes some time in the future, and I honestly don't know if we will enjoy it or not. The only problem I see is if one of us does and the other doesn't. But I also don't see this happening for a few years, until we have our own place at least.

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Well thanks for reading, and thanks for the question, kindabiz. I hope the answer was not too long-winded for you. And pop back next weekend everyone for an answer to deb's question:

I would be curious to know what the darkest fantasy is that both of you have?

See you soon,

Sean

Mel says: To quickly answer David's question of where to eat in London... To be honest, neither of us have been to London much. However, if you're there for lunch then a good place to see Britons in action is Covent Gardens. A great place to eat is from one of the take-away jacket potato stalls. They do loads of different toppings, there's something for everyone. Covent Gardens at lunch-time during the summer is a fantastic bustling place, ideal if you're a keen people watcher. There's usually some street performers around too. Hope I've helped! We'll answer the rest of your question in time. xxx


If you have a burning question that needs answering, drop us a line. If you don't want to leave a comment, e-mail us at mels.smblog@googlemail.com.

The weekender: Your questions answered.

Well, that was a little disappointing, dear readers. We gave you the opportunity to ask us a couple of questions, and we had one response. Well, if you missed the opportunity, you can always ask us in time for next week.

From Alex:

To both of you. If you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be?

Sean: I'm really not up on dog breeds. I know little about them, as Mel is scared of them, so we don't really go near any. However, my grandparents used to have a dog, called Robbie, after the local Bobby (Bobby on the beat, policeman) who gave them the dog for some reason. Cant remember quite why. Anyway, I loved him to pieces. But he wasn't half a stupid dog. I remember once my dad threw him a stick, he ran, jumped, caught it end on in his mouth, and then landed on the ground other end of the stick first.... Ouch! He had to go to the vets for quite a while, and we were no longer allowed to throw him stuff, coz he would break his stitches.

Anyway, I loved that dog, but I have no idea what breed he was. Other than he was black. I like black dogs. Especially black "normal" dogs. I think I would be a Labrador, a black one (kinda goes without saying black again, but oh well, black blacketty black black black. I like black). A lab has about the right build, but I would have longer, more unkempt fur, and less intelligent eyes. And I would be very loving, and always wanting a stroke. Especially on my belly. No, lower. Lower. Yeah thats the spot....

Erm, yes. A lab. My answer is a lab.

Mel: Uh-hum... yes, well Sean's just wondered off, telling himself that he should stop waffling. As he mentioned, I'm not a big fan of dogs. Especially those of the big teeth and loud bark persuasion. If I could be any animal, the last species on the list would be 'dog'. In fact, I'd rather be a wolf. Is that cheating? Do I have to be a domestic breed? I'd like to be a wolf - a white one - running around the moors, stealing chickens and reeking havoc. I don't get much chance to reek havoc any more, so it'd be a chance to get back to my childhood days of causing trouble.

If we're talking about the breed that I most resemble, though, I guess I'd be one of the small ones. Not a Yorkshire terrier, though, I don't like them. I guess I'd be a general mongrel, loyal to her owner. The image of "Dog" from Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman's "Good Omens" comes to mind. Yes, that'd be right. Small and loyal on the outside, but hell-hound on the inside. He he he, that'd be fun.

Image found on flickr

The weekender

We're doing something new this weekend. Sean and I decided it was time for us to let you take the lead. I sit here each night trying to think of things to write, and in the end we just don't know how well it'll go down. That's why this weekend we're giving you the opportunity to ask us a question. It can be anything you like from, "How did you meet?" through to "How do YOU eat yours?". There are a few exceptions, we won't give out our address for example. But those sort of exceptions are hopefully obvious. If we get enough questions, then we'll post our answers here. If we get lots of questions then we'll pick the ones we feel like answering and then answer the rest during the week (or reserve them for next weekend).

Like I've already said, we never know how well a post will go down, so show some support and ask what ever is on your mind. You can leave it as a comment or e-mail me at mels.smblog@googlemail.com if you want to remain anon.

Ask away, dear readers.

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Image from Pimp That Snack