The weekender #4: The beginnings of our lifestyle

This week we delve into our history. From David:

Have either of you done any bdsm before with other people or is this your first time? How did it come about? Did one of you bring it up to the other, or did it just happen naturally?

Now, we could spank David for asking too many questions at one time. But we'll let him off, just this once.

As I think we have mentioned in passing before, Sean is the first (and only) guy I've slept with, and I am the first (and only) girl Sean has slept with. Which can make things interesting in this day and age. We discovered BDSM together, and by no means is our exploration over.

I have two distinct memories of when we both realised we wanted something more out of our vanilla relationship. The first, as I started to explore last week, was when I told Sean about my rape fantasy. Instead of being shocked, Sean replied with a more reassuring answer, "Lots of women have that fantasy, maybe we'll try it out one day." As I said last week, perhaps by my telling him that fantasy, he knew it was okay to be a little rough with me. And here we are some two years later, maintaining a S&M Blog. The other that I remember was a late night chat before going to sleep. I cannot remember the circumstances, but I ended up trying to define the apparent differences between Sean and I. In two sentences, I summed it up quite succinctly: Sean would prefer to be tied up and receive pleasure. I would prefer to be tied up and be forced to give pleasure. We were discussing the idea of only either giving or receiving for the rest of eternity, and this was the answer we came up with. I think there are few people who would chose giving, and Sean noted that at the time. That's when I realised there was something different about me.

Around the same time as that discussion, we had some novelty handcuffs come into our possession. This was some three or four years ago. We soon discovered that we both liked being restrained. Sean liked being unable to move freely and receiving pleasure. I liked being unable to move freely and giving pleasure. Sadly, the handcuffs broke and for a while that left us without a means of carrying on our newly found play.

So one day, around six months later, when we were in a poundstore (everything for £1) Sean spied some rope. He looked at me with a playful smile and whispered in my ear "Something to tie you up with," I smiled a bashful smile as he added some dog chains to the basket along with the rope. I felt sure that the cashier would see my flushed cheeks and know instantly what we were going to use this odd assortment of items for, but she just served us normally and we went about the rest of our business down town.

The rope wasn't really what we thought it was going to be. It was thin and stiff, and the knots easily slipped undone, and the thinness of it cut too much into the flesh. But the chains! They worked like a dream. We still use them a lot now. I love the feel of them over my skin, and Sean likes being able to cool them down to cause me (or him) to shiver.

So you could say that our exploration into BDSM started with light Bondage. The S&M followed very quickly behind. I had made apparent to Sean that I liked to struggle, to have rough sex. This started with encouraging him to hold my wrists down during play, and pretty soon things just carried on naturally. I made it clear to him that I enjoyed the feel of him grazing his teeth over my flesh, and with time this increased to actual biting. He bites me regularly (though, never breaking the skin) now, but still holds that he is not a sadist. I remember a post that I wrote early on with the title Maybe I really am masochist? where I started to explore my concern over my liking pain.

I think when I started to tell him I liked pain, we tentatively explored spanking too. I was probably the one who suggested it, though we don't remember. The spanking didn't really come into play until after we'd explored D/S. This didn't really happen until we'd decided to start up our blog. By December last year, Sean had introduced me to the sex blog scene. Before then I had little idea of what a blog was; I had no idea about the large sex blog scene out there. Suddenly I was immersed in this world of bondage, submission, sadomasochism and more. I learned what BDSM was. I found out that there were people out there who lived as slaves and masters. There were housewives out there who lived by rules set by their spouses. Rules that even included shaving down there. I couldn't believe it. Don't get me wrong, I knew that there were things like hard-core bondage (Sean and I had already been regularly visiting Hogtied, left), I just didn't and couldn't understand that there were people who lived it day to day. The more I read the more I learned. I was already aware that Sean knew more about it than I did. He's generally a lot less naive than I am. Even now I have an air of innocence that he often calls cute.

By the end of December, Sean and I decided to take the plunge and set up a blog of our own. We called it S&M Blog (a delightful coincidence as it could be Sean & Mel or Sadism & Masochism) and our first post was on January the 9th 2006. It took me three days to write one post about one night. It took me quite a while to settle down into writing regularly about our sex life, but I found it was a good way to communicate with Sean about how our nights went. We carried on maintaining our blog, passing the three month mark was something of an achievement and told other bloggers out there that we were serious about maintaining a blog. We drew inspiration for our - what I was quickly learning to call - scenes from other sex blogs. Eros Blog was a place Sean regularly visited, and that's where he got the idea about having me under the desk (the subject of our first post). That was also the place he showed me that introduced me to the rest of the sex blog scene.

The first post I wrote referred to Sean as 'Master', something I hadn't done before. Without knowing it, I had opened up the way for us to try a little D/S to see if we liked it. We liked it a lot. It slowly began to filter outside the bedroom. Friends started to comment on my willingness to do as Sean asked. "You've got her well trained," one of Sean's female friends remarked. My heart fluttered. If only she knew even half of it! The D/S lead back to Discipline, something we've explored on this blog quite a lot recently. I guess you could say we've now covered all the bases of BDSM - the bondage, discipline, domination & submission and sadomasochism. We're liking all the bases a lot.

May our journey continue!


Next week, we'll answer the rest of David's question: What are some limits that the two of you have made and how did you come to them?

If you have a question you'd like answering drop us a line. You can leave a comment or send us an e-mail at mels.smblog@googlemail.com if you want to remain anonymous. We only have that question left so ask us some more! It could be anything, vanilla or raunchy. You decide.

Hehe. My 'word verification' for this post is "cuffed" :)