Vanilla marriage Vs D/s power exchange
Well, well, well, dear readers. I've been very quiet for the last couple of weeks, and for that I'm very sorry. The new academic year started this month, and it's been hard to juggle offline life, let alone having time to see to things online. Now things are settling down a bit more, I think I'll be able to get back to writing posts at least three times a week, hopefully more (when I started this blog I wanted it to be every day, but writing about yourself in detail each day is rather draining)
What's been happening these last few weeks?
As I think I mentioned in passing a while ago (and expanded upon in my other blog), Sean and I have had a couple of problems lately, communication being one of them. The other is my want to have a family. It's something I've been battling with a lot over the last year or so, but recently I've wanted to just give up uni and have a baby and get married and live happliy ever after. This isn't going to happen. There's no way it would work out the way I want it to. Plus, Sean is going to be self employed when he graduates this year, I have a year to go (and probably will stay on in education after)... we'll have no where near enough money to look after a baby.
But I want one. I want to be married. I want to be a stay at home mum and have lots of children and have Sean go out to work and have dinner on the table when he comes home at night, with the kids in bed ready for him to read them a bedtime story.
It struck me a couple of days ago how much I was thinking about this, and in a way it made me rather upset. I wondered why I craved a marriage and children. A wedding certificate doesn't count much these days - the average marriage in this country (UK) lasts less than 9 years. Excepting the more morbid aspects of rights if one of us dies, a marriage really doesn't top what Sean and I currently have. Sean realises this, and tells me that we're going to wait. I'm less rational.
The thing that's bothering me the most though is this question. Why do I crave these essentially vanilla concepts, when what I have at the moment with Sean (A growing 24/7 D/s relationship) is more meaningful, more committing and has a more positive impact on the both of us than a marriage would?
7 comments:
It is only natural and is part of the process of working through your current situation and the reality of what faces you in the future. It is how we work, scenarios, role-playing, war games of the mind, if you will. I wouldn't worry about it, life has a tendancy to go in its own direction despite our plans.
Happy Halloween you two!
Search me, hun.
My brat started off wanting a whole babble of kids, flat to herself, all that. Until the first one came along.
I know this is a really asinine thing to say and won't help at all, but I talk from - yes wonderous and sometimes spellbinding - bitter experience as the father of two: Wait. Have your life, do stuff you want to while you have the youth and - eventually - money to enjoy it. Gods willing, you'll be able to have kids into your thirties or fourties with ease, so there really is no rush.
As for marriage, I reckon women are just hardwired into wanting that useless piece of paper. To be honest though, with a higher than 50% divorce rate, the odds are against you.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Our relationship has already lasted longer than many marriages and because we've found the balance (almost) between Kink and Vanilla, it's stronger than ever.
Cohabiting, it's the new rock 'n roll!
Art, thanks. That post really was just what you said it was - something that needed to be written down to work an issue through. I'm pretty much over it... that is untill another friend of mine announces her engagment. I don't really understand it, myself.
Master Fitz, I know where you're coming from, and thanks for your kind words. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." is exactly the phrase that came to mind as I was writing, along with the impression that we are indeed hardwired into wanting a marriage. It's just something I'm working through, and I'm sure it'll all be fine in the end.
Thanks, both of you, for your kind words.
liesel, don't worry, I always appreciate comments. I'm surprised I still get them at the moment as my posting is all over the place! I'm glad you're having fun trying out D/s 24/7, fun is the most important thing in sexual matters, I think. xxx
So because you are wonderfully kinky, and smart enough to find an SO who is also. . . that cancels out the fact that your'e a woman and have that longing for a baby? Nope. :)
I'm so glad you figured out your D/s, kink, ect. But that doesn't mean you still don't have maternal feelings. And wanting to be married is simply a protective move for the baby you wish for. You want to be a mother and know that a married mom and dad are safer for baby.
When the maternal thing gets overwhelming,
1; look realistically at how much time your have left before it would be difficult to conceive.
2; your SO will have to deal with the fact that his sexy, kinky, sub lady is still a woman and has maternal urges.
3; doesn't work for everyone, but sometimes you can delay the longing for a baby by caring for a small dog, kitten, ect.
4; if it won't go away, no matter how lovely your D/s relationship, some women have to choose between the man and the hope of having a child. I hope you don't.
blessings
Thanks for your kind words, dryfishy, both here and on my other blog. I like your four points, especially the third as we are both big cat fans! (Sadly, we're not allowed pets in our house) It's point one that gets me (the time left before conceiving becomes difficult), as I am only 21, and so have at least fifteen, most likely more, years left. Plently of time! But there's that little voice that says that I want children now. I've tried ignoring it and reasoning with it and it wont listen. I'm sure it'll go away soon enough. Thanks once again.
ah... take your time. :) in 5 years you'll both feel more on top of things and ready to make a decision. getting married won't make your relationship more likely to break up, and could bring you closer! but you have lots of time. and i think the maternal instinct is normal too.
Post a Comment