The black dog howls

I'm not as good at all this as everyone thinks I am. They'll see when I fail that I'm just a fraud who's recently been drowning in all the lies I've spun around myself. Sean and my parents think I'm so cleaver. I'm not. I have to put in so much work to succeed and recently all I've been doing is playing computer games and watching TV. So they'll see when I fail this year that I'm not all what they think I am. On the outside it sounds like I know what I'm doing or talking about. It sounds like I'm enjoying my time here. It sounds like I'm doing all the work I'm meant to be and it sounds like I'm going to do really well. But I'm not going to and everytime that I try to tell Sean he just refers me to how well I did in my GCSEs. That one time was a fluke. One of the exams went really badly and when my mum asked how well it went I had a massive row with her. Then I went and got an A. There's no way that's going to happen again. It didn't at A-Level - I didn't get one A and the only reason I was accepted to University was because I had four A-Levels instead of three. And I had to spend an extra year at college to do that. This round of exams has gone badly so far. I'll just scrape the required 40%. Which will be a third and not worth having. I'm not going to survive at Uni and all I want to do is crawl into a hole and cry.

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