There is no substitute for the real thing

Oh yes, I enjoyed giving Sean head yesterday as he sat at his computer writing to all of you (link). I think I have a bit of a thing for giving him head at the moment, it sort of relieves my want for orgasm. I've just finished my period and tomorrow we are going back to my family home. That means sleeping together in a double bed. Which means lots of cuddles and sex when we want during the night or morning. So things should be back to normal - whatever that means now-a-days.

I guess it hasn't been apparent, but until just recently we had quite a problem with our sex life. We've been together for almost six years and having sex for five. In my head, I guess, I knew that it would get boring. It wasn't ever actually boring, but there was a time when we didn't have sex for weeks, even though we saw each other every day and slept in the same bed. Sean didn't want to bring it up because he didn't think I saw the problem. And I didn't. I was perfectly happy with it. I didn't seem to have a sex drive and so didn't feel like there was anything missing. Sean's recently told me that he consciously suppressed his horny/lustful feelings because he felt guilty initiating sex all the time. The thing that gets me is that I didn't even notice.

It wasn't until I looked into the possibility that I had mild depression (link) that Sean voiced his concerns. We've been trying to improve the situation since. Starting this blog was a way for us to actually see how often we are intimate; and so far writing this blog has given me reason to think about sex more often and so actually want sex more often too. I hope it continues that way.

Did I mention that I gave him head again today for nothing in return? Like I said, I think I'm a bit obsessed with his cock being in my mouth at the moment. I was even sucking my thumb 'as a substitute'. Tee hee.

She's giving me head. No I mean it. Now...

"What to write for my blog entry tonight?", I asked her. Then I
suggested she should get under my desk and give me head like the naughty
little bitch she is, and she willingly agreed... so here we are, her
knelt at my feet, sucking my cock, and me pressing her down with my
forearms as I write this post... Heard of cyber-sex, perhaps this is
cyber voyeurism?

Mmmmm so good!....

Goodnight all, I best go before I come, and my typing to backspace ratio
decreases too faaaaaaaaaar.....

Night!

Sean

x

New semester resolutions

With the coming of a new semester, I have some resolutions I intend to keep.

1. I will take pride in my appearance and will work to look my best most of the time
2. I wont bottle up my feelings of depression; I'll write them down or talk to Sean
   
3. As this semester I will have four days a week off, I will do the required reading and assignments weekly rather than at the last minute.
4. I will get into a routine. This includes eating all three meals each day, scheduling and completing my uni assignments and going to the gym. I will never miss a lab session, lecture or workshop.
   

I believe these will be a challenge but aren't impossible to achieve. I'll let you know how I do.

I miss you when I am asleep

Last night, Mel slept over. She was still on, so no action, but it was just nice to have someone to cuddle up to. Normally I find myself trying to distract myself from it, but I really miss her when I go to sleep. And when I wake up in the night. Normally when we sleep together in a single bed I sleep very poorly, waking all the time, but last night was different, I slept really well.

...And when I woke, boy was I horny! I felt really guilty, but I couldn't help it. She somehow sensed my hornyness (could have been me grinding my cock against her arse...) and after a while asked if we had any condoms here (as she was still on!). I did, so we got on with it. I was still very tired, so I decided to come when she did, and told her so. She didn't seem to mind, so we came (almost) together. It was just enhanced missionary, but it was so good, she's really getting her sex-drive back after them pills, which is great! I love the way her hands go all over me, just wish they would be a little harder... I like being pushed too, just not quite as much as she does.

Can't wait for next (academic) year, where we will be (hopefully) living together!

I want to please

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The black dog howls. Part II

Reading over the last post (link), I know what I was going on about but I don't feel that way any more. After writing that post I was very upset, so I set about to distract myself. The guys out there may not want to read the next bit if they are put off by discussions about periods. I know most guys are...
I am currently on my period, and it's a heavy one (caused by the new coil I have). As I was sat at the computer writing that last post blood managed to leak everywhere. Any girls out there know the feeling of realising too late that your sanitray pad has leaked? And then every move you make you can feel it? Yeah, I had that feeling. For the guys out there, it's horrid. Thankfully I was still in my pyjamas (what a weird word!). Yeah, I know, it was 3pm. So what? I'm on study leave and need to be relaxed while I revise. Anyway, I whipped them off and soaked them in hot soapy water - the quicker you soak them the less chance there is of it staining. The hot water in my bedroom is scolding. Ususally I shy away from anything that hot. Today though, when my hands were scolded by the hot water, some kind of relief came from the pain. It's hard to describe, but I suppose anyone who has self-harmed knows what I'm on about. I have never self-harmed. Today was the closest I came to it though, by holding my hands in the sink full of scolding water. Suddenly I felt a whole lot better. I felt good enough to tidy my stinking room up, it took all of thirty minutes but now it looks reasonbly tidy. Granted, I'm sat next to a big bin-liner full of rubbish... But suddenly I feel a lot better. 

(By the way, guys, you can start reading again) The sinking feelings of depression have been creeping up on me for the last couple of weeks. I hate to call it by the "d-word" as all I have in my mind is an image of stupid teenagers slashing their wrists for attention. In my mind its 'the black dog' and every now and then it starts rearing its head. I went to my GP about it just over a year ago. He instantly asked me if I ever have feelings that I need to hurt myself. When I said no, he dismissed me and told me to see my college counsellor. Which I did. Let me tell you, the hardest thing I've ever done is knock on that counsellor's door. It was as if I was finally admitting that I had a problem. What did she do? She asked me what I did when I felt sad. I said I watch TV. She said that was a good thing to do. She convinced me it was a good thing to do. So I went home and every time I felt sad I watched TV. I ended up watching more than 6 hours a night. That left no time for homework assignments, socialising, talking to Sean on the phone or anything else. It left me with little time to eat. And apparently this was a good thing! It just made me feel worse and worse, caught up in missed deadlines at college and alienating myself from my friends. I never went back to that councellor. I probably should've found someone else. But I didn't. So every now and then I hear the black dog start to howl in my head and I often am capable of ignoring it.

However, today was a weird day. I found an insight into how others cope with the black dog. I think I'll still never self-harm, but I somehow have a new respect for those teenagers who slash their wrists. I'm just thankful I'm strong enough not to succumb to the attractions of hurting myself.

Technorati Tags: black dog, depression, reflexion

The black dog howls

I'm not as good at all this as everyone thinks I am. They'll see when I fail that I'm just a fraud who's recently been drowning in all the lies I've spun around myself. Sean and my parents think I'm so cleaver. I'm not. I have to put in so much work to succeed and recently all I've been doing is playing computer games and watching TV. So they'll see when I fail this year that I'm not all what they think I am. On the outside it sounds like I know what I'm doing or talking about. It sounds like I'm enjoying my time here. It sounds like I'm doing all the work I'm meant to be and it sounds like I'm going to do really well. But I'm not going to and everytime that I try to tell Sean he just refers me to how well I did in my GCSEs. That one time was a fluke. One of the exams went really badly and when my mum asked how well it went I had a massive row with her. Then I went and got an A. There's no way that's going to happen again. It didn't at A-Level - I didn't get one A and the only reason I was accepted to University was because I had four A-Levels instead of three. And I had to spend an extra year at college to do that. This round of exams has gone badly so far. I'll just scrape the required 40%. Which will be a third and not worth having. I'm not going to survive at Uni and all I want to do is crawl into a hole and cry.

Technorati Tags: Black Dog, depression, fraud