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Yesterday I went to the doctors, and he said that the reason for my frequent headaches was probably my posture whilst sitting at a computer, and also that I don't wear my glasses enough (read: ever). He also diagnosed me with
IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). It appears that I have had IBS for many years, and never really realised. Though, thinking about it, I do remember looking up that condition on the internet a good 3 or 4 years ago, but reading that it was only suffered by women, thus I moved on and looked elsewhere.
IBS is a "functional disorder" meaning basically everything looks fine, even under a microscope, only it doesn't work right. The cause is unknown, and it does effect more women than men, but is not exclusive to either gender. I also used to think that it was only suffered by people around their mid 30-s onwards, but it is most likely to start during the teenage years! Which explains a lot.
From what I have read so far, it appears that my IBS is fairly mild, and only really makes me bloated, and frequently nauseous (spelling?) - though I don't think I have ever been sick with it, I have felt VERY ill with it many a time. Not really realising until now, everything is seeming to make a lot more sense.
I am not sure how I feel about it, at the moment (well, more than that I hate it...). It has no cure, but at least I know what it is now, and don't have to worry about anything "serious" being wrong with me.
I seem most effected by the syndrome when I am nervous or stressed, which agrees with what I have been reading.
Anyway...
You can start reading again nowLast night me and Mel dressed up and went to a fancy dress party. I was, as usual, not feeling too well, but I felt I owed it to Mel to go, as we rarely go out except to the cinema.
I was dressed as a goth, again, black lipstick, black eye-liner, my normal black clothes, my black DMs (DocMartin boots - steel toe caps, mmmm), black hair, black nail polish,... Just basically black. Which I love. Mel dressed as a "gothic pixie" I believe, and wore a short purple skirt (which kept riding up all evening, especially when we were walking too and from the party), black lace up top, and some "pretty fairy wings."
It was my friend's birthday, but I barely knew anyone there, and those I did know, I could not for the life of me remember their names. Names are not my forte, in fact I struggle to remember the names of my best friends. It makes me feel rather awkward around new people once I have been told their names, so I tend not to ask them :).
We met loads of new people, including my friend's boyfriend (who is 7 years older than her, but seems like a fairly cool guy. We chatted for a good long time about a lot of deep stuff, you know how it is when people are drunk). I watched many people get drunk around me, and had a good laugh. I didn't much feel like drinking (rarely do), so I stuck to the raspberry lemonade (yummy!) and sometimes water. Mel was drinking vodka and coke.
Towards midnight I really started to feel quite ill, so told Mel that we would be leaving in around an hour, trying to give her as much time as I could. We went for a 5 minute walk to try and calm my guts down, to no avail. Mel was pretty merry by this time, and swayed considerably as she walked. She also moved her hands extremely freely over me, even in front of all the people at the party! She is normally way to shy to do that.
Mel talked to many other people, as did I, but she never strayed far from me, her loyalty very obvious. She did seem to flirt a bit, at one stage offering to drink two stranger's cum in a cocktail! It was funny, both guys laughed, and decided that they may want some "inspiration," but I don't think Mel understood what they meant. Though the 3 of us guys interpreted what she said as offering to drink their cum, she did not mean it that way, in fact she purely meant "cum doesn't taste as bad as everyone makes out." She is so naive some times.
At one point I took myself for a walk, and upon returning found Mel chatting to some guy wearing a blue t-shirt. He seemed alright, but I could tell he had an interest for her, and who can blame him! Shortly after I joined them, he left to get beer and didn't return.
After a few more stupid things, including tying a guy up in masking tape, and locking some other guy into a small area out the back of the garden with 6 foot fences, I told Mel we should leave, as I was really feeling quite ill by that time. We slowly made our farewells to everyone, myself being more able to move quickly between the many drunks than Mel could. I reached the doorway and turned back to say goodbye to everyone, to see Mel saying goodbye to the guy in blue, and she stood on tip-toes (cute!) to give him a goodbye kiss on the lips.
We left, and upon the walk home I commented that I didn't think she was fully aware of how much she flirted when she was drunk. She didn't realise that she did at all, and it wasn't until the guy in blue said "I won't tell your boyfriend" that she even realised that was "bad." We talked a lot about trust, and how other people react to things that we (read: Mel) might think are perfectly innocent. A kiss on the lips, between friends, doesn't really happen often in the UK, generally the cheek is as far as we go. A hug is normal. Mel has had guys before accusing her of leading them on, and I think it is because of her naiveness, she doesn't even realise she is doing it.
Mel has always, when sober, been completely faithful to me (as far as I know!) and I trust her completely when she is sober, or even when she is tipsy. But, she has strayed without permission in the past whilst drunk, and worse, I have heard it from other people as she was too drunk to even remember, until I asked her about it. This means that my trust for her is not as strong when she is drunk, though I worry very little when we are together. I think this is something we will have to work on by going to more parties! I'm trying to get Mel to understand where my boundaries are, and also trying to give her a little insight into how other people might interpret her actions. With permission, everything can go a lot further, but I am not going to let her just go off with someone else without talking it over first. At least, not yet...
My appologies for the length of this post, congratulations on reaching the bottom!
Later,
Sean.
